Bienvenidos a Mexico

Ruta de Vino, Baja California Norte

We made our way through the rocky hills of central southern California to the border crossing at Tecate, and then through verdant vineyards for 80 miles to the Pacific port city of Ensenada.  From Ensenada, we traveled another 100 miles south to a place I now call home…the small town of Colonia Vicente Guerrero.

Ensenada, Mexico

An invitation from son Owen's fellow student at Christ for the Nations Institute led Owen and me to a week of volunteer work at an orphanage in Vicente Guerrero, and me, to a longer commitment in this community.  Here, in the mid-1960s, a woman from southern California had a vision and bought land to start a mission which has evolved into a flourishing, broad-reaching work (see ffhm.org, the website of Foundation for His Ministry).

"Home for Children" in Colonia Vicente Guerrero, Mexico

Owen helps build staff housing during his volunteer week

Journal Entry:  February 25, 2015

"God doesn't want to waste your time," said my new friend-in-the-faith Kate. I'd just told her of the furnished two-bedroom apartment found at the end of a short morning's drive around the sandy, unpaved streets of Vicente Guerrero. My guides along the way were friendly Mexican women, easy to approach as they worked in their yards. Their leads were not directly fruitful...one place was unfurnished; a couple others occupied. But then, after treating myself to brunch in a main street restaurant, I felt an urge to enter a nearby appliance repair shop, where I shared my need (in Spanish) with the young female clerk. A man who'd been testing a wood-cutting machine turned to me and said, in perfect English, "The owner of the pharmacy three doors down rents apartments."

Kate and I share a first meal in my new home

son Owen in my sala

New Beginnings home for women and their children

Pharmacist/medical doctor Victor Hugo Cruz took me to see the available side of the duplex where he lives with his wife Pilar and ten-year old daughter. Their home is on a quiet side street eight blocks from the orphanage where I've been volunteering, along with Owen, Kate, and Kate's 34 teammates from an Orange County, California church. I've come to know some of the mission staff and long-term volunteers and will enjoy continuing fellowship with them at the mission church.  Other essential locations (grocery store, market, and ATM machine) are within easy walking distance. I'll get a bicycle and find the best way to the Pacific Ocean, three miles to the west!

Dorothy Greatrex (center) with women at New Beginnings

A visit to New Beginnings (newbeginningsbaja.org), a home for women who need support, affirmed my sense of call to work in this community. I'd learned of Canadian Dorothy Greatrex's work before coming to Mexico, but our first contact was today.


Dorothy and I shared our experiences and journeys and recognized each other as kindred spirits.  As Dorothy spoke of both struggles and miracles among the women, I thought of my own recent struggles, and sensed anew the promise of a miracle that will bring my husband and me together again. The timing is known to God, while I get on with work He has for me here.

the orphanage garden is a lovely place to pray

Angels and Farewell to Ecuador

Friends Beatriz and her mother Blankita for Advent Tea

The decision to leave Ecuador has not come easily, for Loja feels so like home.  After 20 months in Ecuador, the place and the people have claimed a large corner of my heart.  And since October--during a time of personal anguish and struggle--both the physical beauties of the country and the kindness of its people have brought me great comfort.

Breakfast with indigenous Saraguro family over Christmas

Saraguro hosts Baudilio and Rosa Quizphe share their Christmas traditions

With friend (and angel) Sally Lincoln in Saraguro

Henri Nouwen, in Can You Drink the Cup?, writes that "Joys are hidden in sorrows [but that] we keep forgetting this truth and become overwhelmed by our own darkness."  And in those dark times, he notes, "We need to be angels for each other, to give each other strength and consolation."

Many have been angels to me…especially you who offered encouragement in response to my writing, some sharing your own painful journeys.  Thanks for being part of my community, defined by Nouwen as "a fellowship of people who do not hide their joys and sorrows but make them visible to each other in a gesture of hope."

with Sandry Ludena, Loja

with the Rev. Lourdes Inapanta, Quito

Two special Ecuadorean women, Sandry Ludena and Lourdes Inapanta, have opened their hearts and homes to me, and shared some of their own struggles as wives and mothers.  God bless their continuing service to others...Lourdes (pastor and supporter of new chapters of Daughters of the King in Quito), and Sandry (missionary and youth worker).  Bendiciones, Lourdes y Sandrita!

These women will join Hijas del Rey March 8, 2015, in Quito

Mama Esther Engle in her Colorado home

Other angels are my mother, whose love, listening ear, and wise counsel have lifted me up time and time again...and my faithful sisters in Gonaives, Haiti.  They, who have become strong through much suffering, check in regularly, assuring me of their continued prayers for me and Bill.  Mesi anpil, Miguelita y tout le Filles du Roi!

Dear sisters in Gonaives, Haiti, with Sally Lincoln

Owen and Bill begin recent pilgrimage to Kansas City

In Colorado, Owen and Bill have been busy with Owen's work and Bill's preparation for teaching online at Pueblo Community College this spring semester.  They made a pilgrimage (Owen's term) to the International House of Prayer's OneThing in Kansas City recently.

John, summer 2014

In Japan, John winds up two years with the Asahikawa Gospel Church.  He'll spend a couple weeks in Colorado late March/early April prior to beginning studies at Tokyo Biblical Seminary.  I've been investigating opportunities for teaching English in Tokyo, and for fellowship with the Anglican-Episcopal Church there.


John's great, grand aunt Eunice Lady Wingert and her husband Norman worked in Tokyo 1953-1957.  The photo below is from Norman Wingert's self-published book Relief Work Was Like This (circa 1970).

My grand aunt Eunice Lady Wingert and husband Norman center, standing

The Tingles take over our apartment

Dave Campbell (R) will carry baggage to Miami

When I made the decision to give up our home in Loja, virtually all the furnishings sold within a day, and a young missionary couple from Australia who needed a new home (their own rented apartment being sold) took on our lease.  Within a few more days I learned that a visiting pastor from Real Life Church in Idaho could carry baggage for me to Miami.  This is a great boon (thanks Jim, pictured R, and Kathy Kenas!) but nevertheless I've had to unload much of what we brought to Ecuador, thus traveling ever lighter (!), and sensing the freedom that comes from letting go.

The greater lessons learned in the past few months are about letting go of not just things, but of people and plans, while seeking greater self-awareness and humility.  By God's grace I've learned to say, with Job, "…he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold."  Gold is malleable, resistant to corrosion, precious, and bright.  Work on, dear God, refiner of hearts and spirits.

No Grasping

Separation, estrangement...the words evoke distance and pain...both part of my journey over the past couple months (see previous blog entry).  To love and then to be estranged...whether from friend or partner or child or parent, is to experience a kind of living death.  The cords of relationship are broken, and emotions linked to grieving--anger, depression, and bargaining--cycle round and round again.

"How can she treat me this way!?"   "What did I do to deserve this!?"  "Where did I go wrong?"  "Maybe if I do _____ he will love me again."   "How can I manage without this relationship?"  Tears of heartbreak and frustration flow...even after you think you've made progress in "accepting" the situation or at least found a way to distract yourself from the pain for awhile.

This I know for sure: we cannot make anyone love us, no matter how hard we try!  But what are we to do with the pain of rejection?  As one who seeks, often stumbling, to follow Christ, I've looked for answers in scripture and in a helpful book I read a few years ago while dealing with rejection in the workplace.  The book is Jesus and Power (David Prior) and its theme is "No grasping!"

Jesus never tried to grasp for worldly power or recognition or acceptance.  He knew rejection, but emptied himself of all but love, and a will to obey God...unto death.  Can we who follow him do less?  Not if we would know the joy, the peace, and the power he promised. No grasping allowed, only loving, and believing that he who calls us "friend" will give us all we need.   (Philippians 2: 3-8; John 15: 9-17).

But there is something we ARE to grasp, and that is faith...faith that God is at work in us and in the lives of those we love (who are loved even more by Him!)...teaching us how to love.  And we have critical roles to play in this work through prayer; this I'm learning in a deep way from a book read and re-read in recent months:  Intercessory Prayer (Dutch Sheets).

A wise friend--with a wisdom gained through enormously painful family struggles--shared with me early in my own hard journey that "God is always working to bring order out of chaos."   He is also working to bring healing where there is hurt, and light where there is darkness.

Just before I left Ecuador in late September--for a second trip to the US within the month--a double rainbow filled the evening sky above the Andes.  Brilliant light at one end of the rainbow pierced the mountain...for me a powerful symbol of God's promise to bring light to darkness.  I await the fulfillment of this promise within my family, and in the wider world, while doing my part through prayer and prayer-led action.

Alone...November 2014

"I doubt I'd ever want to live here alone," I said to Bill as we strolled hand-in-hand along a Loja street.  It was a sunny August afternoon…the beginning of our second year in Ecuador. We were both feeling more settled and seasoned. Bill had new goals for his Spanish language study and I was going to write. We anticipated exploring yet undiscovered parts of the country together in the coming months.

Then in early September came a phone call that every parent dreads...our son Owen was struggling with some serious growing pains in Texas, where he had just begun his second year at a Bible institute. I flew up to be with him the next day and Bill followed a week later. 

Owen came through the crisis a stronger and wiser person. He has returned to Colorado, where he is working and thriving. But marital harmony was the casualty in the whole business...not uncommon where conflicts over the perceived needs of children are concerned. 

So my beloved Bill remains in Colorado for now, and I am alone in Loja. He needs some space; I need to learn deeper lessons about the truth that I cannot fix everything. I'm also learning that I can be alone in Ecuador and experience joy! But that learning has come through pain.

Some insights came to me recently while reading the story of a young Chinese woman--Fang Hui--who became the first person to ride a bicycle "for thirteen hundred miles over one of China's worst roads, a sawtooth of rock tracks and mountain passes which reach altitudes above 15,000 feet." One of the chroniclers of her experience, Fred Strebeigh, writes that "Not just the road's pain but also its loneliness changed Fang Hui." She came to appreciate in new ways the beauty of human interactions, which were with strangers who reached out to her. "When I came back, people all said I had changed," she said, "Now I can find something new in every day."

I've made a new walking loop along the river behind our apartment. Sometimes I sit on the riverbank and just listen to the sounds of the water. I enjoy longer interactions with my favorite "donitas" (women vendors) at the market. A few days ago a stranger I encountered on one of my walks--a woman about my age--took time to ask about my life and led me on a short detour to introduce me to her sister.

Our several Ecuadorean friends are compassionate and understanding about our situation. They have shared much with me...meals and prayers and tears and laughter. Soon, I hope, I will get back to my writing. And my heart, I trust, will learn more about love. Henri Nouwen offers this encouragement:

"The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer for your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart, even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. As you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit."

The diplodenia plant thrives on the terrace…my morning view to the Andes

The Fam!…July 2014

July found us back in Colorado, generously hosted in the homes of family and friends. Being with our sons after more than a year apart was sweet, intense. Owen, 24, at right in the photo, works/studies in Texas; John, 22, works in Japan.  We spent hours exchanging ideas, affirming strengths, supporting struggles...all to be continued via the miracle of Skype!

Bill with his sisters Leigh Anne (L) and Millie and their partners…ready to sample Millie's salsas

Early morning walk…time alone in the midst of 80 plus wonderful relatives!

With my beloved siblings (Melissa, far L; Susan, front, 3rd from L; Wendell, far R; Melanie, farthest R)
and Raser first cousins (sadly missing 5 plus 2 deceased)

Mid-July we joined 80 others for a five-day gathering of my mother's family in the Rockies. So after a year of a somewhat isolated existence in Ecuador, we were again in the midst of family, with all the joys and challenges that brings!

Reunion fun…cousins and Dutch Blitz

Families are complex...we share beginnings but make different journeys, developing our unique characteristics, gifts, values.  It's a rare family that can gather in perfect harmony, honoring the diversity among its members.  But what a goal!  Meanwhile we struggle, learn, and reach out to those who experience pain due to what a friend calls the Fam factor...a sometimes noxious mix of assumptions, expectations, rivalries, and critiques.

L to R:  Evy Raser Herr, Bonnie Raser Frey, and my mother Esther Raser Engle
missing are Carol Raser Hensel (CA), Lois Raser (KS), and deceased:
Amanda Raser Roston and John Raser…all children of Rudy & Myra Nissly Raser

Part of traveling light for me involves releasing family ways of being that do not edify while embracing the many, many good things I've received from my family.  A cousin and I began talking during the reunion about the family tendency to quick judgment and criticism of others.  She shared that her mother declared one day (my cousin was in her teen years): "We've been critical of others, but we're not going to do that anymore." That kind of self-awareness is a start down a different path.  Here's to the journey!

Journal entry:  July 31, 2014

Leaving Colorado after a month's visit with extended family and friends...those who journeyed with us for the two decades we lived in Colorado, I find truths in the view from the airplane window:

A river meanders across the plain...like our lives...moving in one direction, and then another, learning often through hardship and pain, but flowing ever onward.

As the airplane ascends, sunlight and blue sky pierce grey clouds, and I ponder how the joys of learning, growth, and deep communion with others are like the sun that is always there, ready to give us light and warmth as we pass through dark times in our lives.

The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful...June 2014

The Basilica overlooks the historic center of Quito, Ecuador

Women of Quito interested in Daughters of the King

June began with a trip to Quito, a city of 2 million, sitting at 9000 feet, near the equator.  The visit was linked to my work as Ecuador Country Coordinator for the Order of the Daughters of the King. Ecuadorean Episcopal priest Lourdes Inapanta perceives the order as a way to strengthen parishes as women take vows to pray, serve, and share their faith.

Episcopal priest Lourdes Inapanta, Quito

After Quito, we had a week to prepare for seven weeks away, beginning with another trip to Haiti for me while Bill flew on to Colorado.  Some plans changed midcourse, but it all worked out...

Right:  cousin Cathy Nissly Long and husband Ron hosted me in Miami en route to Haiti

Below:  boarding train to Miami airport with batik supplies for Haiti

Rice fields en route to Gonaives, Haiti

                                                                            Port-au-Prince market

Left:  Women of Gonaives receive batik supplies

Deb Couri-D'Amico teaches women new sewing skills

Journal entry:  June 24, 2014

Fellow hostel guests, taxi drivers, or airplane seat mates often inspire or educate me as I leave Haiti. This exit, earlier than planned due to a stomach bug and a sense of "I can't cope any longer," is no exception. But first a little background...

A mutual acquaintance introduced me and Deborah Couri-D'Amico a few months ago, noting we have "like-minded interests in Haiti." Debbie launched the Women of Milot Entrepreneurial Network following the 2010 earthquake to help women earn income. Her work is housed in Cap Haitien on Haiti's north coast, not far from the town of Milot, home to the ruins of the Sans-Souci (care free) Palace built by Haitian King Henri Christophe in the early 1800s.

The routine Deb keeps is anything but care free. She flies from New York to Haiti monthly, toting heavy bags of fabric, thread, and fasteners....things hard to find in Cap Haitien. In her 4th floor apartment (pictured at right) which often lacks running water but has consistent power for sewing machines, irons, and air conditioning, she and others have trained women in a variety of work skills. Women of Milot products sell well in hotel shops frequented by NGO workers, and the women working with Deb earn income far above the Haitian average of $2-$4 per day.

Debbie has high standards and a soft heart. While rounding a curve on a climb up the narrow mountain road to Cap Haitian, we spotted a stray puppy. "Stop the car," said Deb. Springing from the vehicle, she captured the pup a few yards up the road. In coming days, between coaching and supplying women with bins of materials for making new products, Deb house trained her puppy.

     Women of Milot named Deb's rescued pup Toutou

It was Toutou who got us to Port-au-Prince's Oloffson Hotel, with its shabby gentility and tolerance for puppies in the rooms. Made famous as the setting of Graham Greene's 1966 novel The Comedians, the Oloffson was a destination for the rich and famous during the 1960s and 70s. Now it is home to the rock band RAM with its vodou rhythms, and to Daniel Morel, a Haitian photojournalist who recently won a million dollar settlement for copyright infringements on photos he took after the earthquake.

                                                                             Graham Greene Suite at Oloffson



      With Deb Couri-D'Amico and Daniel Morel, Oloffson Hotel

Over drinks with Daniel, he shares his philosophy about aid to Haiti: "Don't come here and do for people the things they should do for themselves. It fosters dependency." Debbie counters that many Haitians who want to work can't find jobs.

Next morning, on the way to the airport, I ask my taxi driver if he shares Daniel Morel's thoughts on aid. "Haiti needs outside help," he says, "but a big problem is that our leaders don't follow through on promises made at election time. Things are worse since the earthquake...more people have to beg to survive. I recently saw a former teacher begging outside a grocery store. This wonderful man who taught for 40 years now has nothing. I was so upset I couldn't shop."

My seat mate on the flight to Miami is leaving Haiti after three years as an economic affairs officer with a European embassy. "It's been frustrating...things don't seem to change much in Haiti," he says, "and there is lack of coordination in so many areas. The best projects are the ones in which there is real partnership and planning between Haitians and helpers."

True partnering is challenging...whether in a marriage or the workplace or the world. My mantra is that individuals and cultures all have something to teach and something to learn. The learning I do in Haiti is part of what keeps me going back.